I’m 39 and my husband’s 42. We’ve been married for 18 years and have two teenage boys. My marriage has mostly been good. Our problems started after I suffered a miscarriage a few years back.
My husband was about to go for the snip and refused to back out. I went into a very dark place for a good few years. I finally pulled round, and then met this guy and thought it’d be a bit of fun with no feelings involved.
I’ve fallen for him after just a couple of weeks of messaging and meeting up. He was very intense. His wife had just left him and he did say he wanted to be single. I’ve had a few wobbles with him as he’s panicked over his feelings for me.
He says we are just friends at the moment as I’m still at home with my husband. I then told my husband that I could no longer be with him and that our marriage was over. I said I no longer loved him. He was devastated and promised to change as he’d been really awful to live with. I feel bad but I just can’t see me staying. My husband says he can’t cope without me and will default on the mortgage.
He’s also threatened to top himself. I know I need to leave but why don’t I feel like I can leave now? I knew I could before my husband said he’d change. I can’t see myself growing old with him.
I’m constantly going round in a circle of “Do I, don’t I?” I’m working full-time and also attend a night class. It’s all getting too much. I know the answer but I don’t know why I’m stopping myself.
